In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize