Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
