I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
