I feel like abortions should bother me more
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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