were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We need to rekindle our bromance
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
