Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
