The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize