I wish i was in the wii world.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
