their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
