thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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