I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
