Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
