do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
