I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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