just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
