I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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