and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
