You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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