the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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