Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
