It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
