his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize