I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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