I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
love makes seman taste better
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
