I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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