Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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