he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
