Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
