And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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