You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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