I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
