the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
