I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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