i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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