I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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