They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize