Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Acid is not a monday night drug
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
