just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
