No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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