You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize