It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
