This is not my ceiling
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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