my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
