I got chris browned last night
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
