i just had sex bonerless
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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