When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
