I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
