god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
