I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
