Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
