I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
