Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize