my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
