Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
