Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
