Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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