I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
