well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize