Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
