Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
