Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
