i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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