Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
