You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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