That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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