i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Randomize
