Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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