you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
