And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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