my shit smells like andre
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
