just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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