you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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