If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
