so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
