My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
