Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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