saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize