He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
