I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
tell me about the fingering
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
