Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
