I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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