He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
