He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
