He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
jump out the window naked night went bad
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