Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
