Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
