I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
