Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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