he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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