After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize