HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
