are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
