you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
