Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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