After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
