he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
