i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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