last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
