im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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