Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize