I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
