Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
